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PARAPROSDOKIANS...
are figures of speech in which the latter
part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected;
frequently humorous.
1. Where
there's a will, I want to be in it.
2. The
last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.
3. Since
light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until
you hear them speak.
4. If I
agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
5. We
never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
6. War
does not determine who is right - only who is left.
7.
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting
it in a fruit salad.
8. They
begin the evening news with 'Good Evening,' then proceed to tell
you why it isn't.
9. To
steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is
research.
10.
Buses stop in bus stations. Trains stop in train stations. On my
desk is a work station.
11. I
thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted paychecks.
12. In
filling out an application, where it says, 'In case of
emergency, notify:' I put 'DOCTOR.'
13. I
didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
14.
Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the
street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are
sexy.
15.
Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a
successful man is usually another woman.
16. A
clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.
17. You
do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to
skydive twice.
18.
Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to
live with.
19.
There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so
they can't get away.
20. I
used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.
21.
You're never too old to learn something stupid.
22. To
be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you
hit the target.
23.
Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
24.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
25.
Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than
standing in a garage makes you a car. Amen
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6/25/12